By Stephen Simpson
Traditions stay the same; your family doesn’t. Every year during the holidays, families get an opportunity to create. What they create can be completely up to them.
So what’s the secret to forging those happy golden days of yore? How can you determine if your plans are worth keeping or if they need to get tossed out with the two-week-old fruitcake?
We here at Black Hills Family believe we’ve developed a formula for curating a beautiful, memory-laden Christmas season. It’s one part decisiveness, one part intentionality and a dash of magic. Just answer these questions, spend a few moments reflecting on your responses, and your holiday plans might feel a little more intentional.
Will anyone care that we did this in six months?
Are you expending time, energy and money toward something that your family really doesn’t care about? Say your family goes caroling every year. You’re not sure why you do it, but you just always have. No one really enjoys doing it, and the people you’re singing to aren’t really into it anymore.
Don’t just keep doing something because that’s what you’ve always done. It’s OK to say goodbye to some traditions. Sometimes things just need a shake-up.
Are there traditions we could create, or old ones we could put a fresh spin on?
Here’s where things can get fun. We all grew up with cherished traditions. But sometimes, those traditions can get stale. Traditions stay the same. Our families don’t.
That’s why it’s a good idea to periodically consider refreshing a tradition. Maybe watching the Christmas episode of Paw Patrol every year needs to evolve into something else as the kids lose the Pull-Ups and move on to bigger and better things. Maybe Christmas morning pancakes become Christmas morning cinnamon rolls. Maybe your annual drive to look at Christmas lights becomes an evening walk around your own neighborhood with mugs of hot chocolate. The point isn’t to preserve a tradition like a museum specimen. It’s to preserve what you actually love about it.
You can craft a season of warmth, reflection and memory-making. Or the holidays can feel more like a tangled ball of Christmas lights.
Can we afford this?
This one is actually pretty simple: Don’t buy stuff you can’t afford. AKA, don’t go into debt.
But there’s another question hiding underneath this one: Who are you trying to impress? Kids, truthfully, are pretty easy. They’ll be happy with something they can unwrap and something that tells them they were thought about.
The most expensive gift doesn’t automatically become the most treasured gift. Sometimes the thing they remember is the ridiculous stocking stuffer, the board game everyone played until midnight or the afternoon Dad spent building the cardboard castle. Spend money on what matters to your family, not what looks impressive from the outside.
Is this taking time, energy and resources that could be going toward something else?
The holiday season has a way of making the calendar look like someone spilled glitter on it. There are concerts, parties, school programs, church services, work gatherings, shopping, baking, traveling, decorating, volunteering and approximately 47 opportunities to see Santa.
You cannot do all of them. So be choosy. Invitations, events and expectations come from every direction during this time of year. Be protective of your family’s time.
The holidays are busy, of course. But busy isn’t the same thing as meaningful. Ask yourself: If we say yes to this, what are we saying no to? Sometimes the answer is nothing. Great! Go have fun. Sometimes the answer is an evening at home, a good night’s sleep or an hour around the dinner table with the people you love. Those things count, too.
Who am I letting down if I say no?
Some gatherings and events are win-wins. No problem. But sometimes saying yes means disappointing the five people who live in your house so you don’t disappoint someone who doesn’t. That’s worth thinking about.
You don’t have to attend every gathering. You don’t have to participate in every tradition. You don’t have to make every Christmas look like the Christmas you had growing up. Saying no isn’t necessarily rejecting someone. Sometimes it’s choosing something else.
What is my family’s current energy level?
This might be the most important question of all. Are the kids overtired? Are the adults running on fumes? Has everyone spent the last three days eating Christmas cookies and communicating exclusively through grunts?
Maybe tonight isn’t the night. Sometimes the most loving holiday decision is to stay home. Rest is not ruining Christmas.
Are there traditions we need to get rid of?
This is the hardest one. Some traditions have simply run their course. Maybe the kids have grown up. Maybe Grandma can’t host anymore. Maybe the family has changed. Maybe something that once brought everyone together now creates more stress than joy. Let it go. You aren’t erasing the memories. You’re making room for new ones.
Hold on loosely
If someone wakes up with a stomach bug on the only day you’re able to see the lights at Storybook Island, the holidays will still happen. We promise. There’s still plenty of magic and memories left to make.
And who knows? Maybe this will be the start of a beautiful new tradition: Every year now, we watch a Christmas movie, eat toast and drink Gatorade. The best holiday memories aren’t always the ones we planned. Sometimes they’re the ones that happened because the plan fell apart.
And finally, ask this question right after Thanksgiving:
Have a little family meeting. Ask everyone: “What’s one thing you absolutely want to do during the holiday season?” Write down one answer from each person. Exactly one. Then look at the list. That’s your starting point.
You don’t have to do everything. You don’t have to create the perfect Christmas. You don’t have to recreate every Christmas you’ve ever had. You just have to create this Christmas, for this family, in this season of your life. Because traditions stay the same. Your family doesn’t.