Take it from the Mentor Moms of Black Hills MomCo who have been there, when you’re spinning plates this holiday season, it’s OK to use paper
Queue the anxiety: The extended family (and accompanying drama) is arriving in two days, 17 hours and 27 minutes — but who’s counting? Keeping the house clean and organized feels like a game of whack-a-mole. Between programs, pageants, rehearsals, dress-up days and parties, you haven’t had a moment to yourself in days. Topping it all off, everyone’s running on about four hours of sleep because the baby decided she’s nocturnal now.
This, or something like it, is the chaos that swirls around Christmas. Your mission — or so you feel — is to create the perfect, Hallmark-style holiday, all while swimming through this vortex. All the stuff they say about the holidays being merry and bright starts to feel a little humbug when this is life.
But moms who’ve been there — and lived to tell the tale — have some advice: it’s OK to slow down, simplify and let the perfectionism go. The Mentor Moms of Black Hills MomCo — a team of moms of grown kids who offer their advice and experience to younger moms — spent some time with us reflecting on their jam-packed, joyful holiday seasons of the past, and they have a few takeaways for moms who are feeling like their halls have been decked.
Paper Plates, Counseling Houses and What Really Matters
Pam Dykstra, who has five children and three grandchildren, sums it up all quite eloquently: “Paper plates are OK,” she said with a laugh. “Don’t worry so much about the details. Play games, have fun, just enjoy that family time. Concentrate on the things that matter, and let some of the details go.”
Manel Selfridge, a mom of four, recalled learning a lesson early on: “Someone told me when my kids were small to lower my expectations. Because my house would never need counseling, but my kids might. That stuck with me. We worry about all the other stuff that doesn’t matter. The kids matter. Their little hearts matter. We can help them get the big picture of what Christmas is.”
Brandi Tipton’s advice echoed this idea of not losing perspective: “Eliminate the chaos. Just start saying no. Let some things go.”
Corky Foley, with two boys and seven grandchildren, has found the joy is in focusing on a single meaningful tradition. “The highlight for my grandkids right now is acting out the Nativity. Pick one thing — the most important thing — and focus on that, instead of the number of packages under the tree.”
Cyndee Bourne, who has five sons and twelve grandchildren, has learned the spiritual side of slowing down. “Every time you feel stressed or need direction, pray. Take the time to pray, and God will answer.”
Pizza, Little Drummer Boy and Popcorn Balls
For some moms, the stress comes from food, and Hope Nordine, mother of four with eight grandchildren, reminds moms to keep it simple. “If food is the thing stressing you, maybe make pizza or order pizza. Some of my best memories were when we didn’t have the money, and we came up with simple things. Give yourself grace.”
Dawn Meister, a mom of four with four grandchildren and one great-grandchild, added, “Worship music can help a lot. If you need to really get something done, turn on Little Drummer Boy.”
Tammy Tucker, mother of two with one grandchild, shared her favorite early-mom memories: “We didn’t have much, but I loved getting the kids involved. We made birthday cakes for Jesus together — and, sure, sometimes they were weird cakes. We also set the table together. It took longer and wasn’t as fancy, but it was special to them. One year, we didn’t have any decorations, so we made cookies and popcorn balls and hung them on the tree.” Christmas really doesn’t have to be expensive to be full of treasured memories.
Simplify and Prioritize
Lisa Porch, mom of three with one grandchild and another on the way, encouraged prioritizing in the midst of hectic holidays: “Pray if you’re struggling during the holidays. Take time in the Word for yourself. Slow down. I remember, one year, I was just feeling so busy and stressed after our tree hunt. When we were getting ready to decorate the tree, my youngest said to me, ‘Mom, decorating the tree is my favorite thing about Christmas.’ I realized I didn’t want to ruin it with a bad attitude. Kids are kids. Enjoy life with them.”
Finally, Terri Criss, mother of three, summed up the hidden joy of quiet moments: “One of my favorite memories is a calm Christmas Day when the kids had the flu, and we couldn’t go anywhere. We were just home together. It was such a blessing.”
Joy, Joy, Joy
The common thread? Slowing down, letting go of perfection and focusing on what truly matters: family, memories and joy. Whether it’s embracing paper plates, simple gifts, quiet reflection or laughter over kids being kids, these moms remind us that Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect — it just has to be real.
This year, if the holiday feels overwhelming, remember it’s OK if the plates are paper or the tree isn’t Pinterest-perfect. The chaos is part of the story, the love is the heart of the season and the memories — imperfect, messy, joyful — are what last.